Mad

A friend of mine asked me last week how things were going with Holy Week. He is another pastor and this is how pastors talk to one another during Holy Week. It is kind of like our April 15th if we were accountants. By tradition Pastors are supposed to complain about how busy they are and try to one-up each other. Kind of like old soldiers comparing war wounds. I think I may have surprised him when I responded, “God and I are in a fight. We’re not talking right now.” I say I think I surprised him because his response was “I think you can take Him.”

Which is of course ridiculous because I can’t take God. Jacob may have wrestled with God but I’m not Jacob and I haven’t wrestled since High School. So instead, God and I seem to be in a very common place for people in a relationship, we aren’t talking. We are giving each other the silent treatment.

Which of course leads you to ask why and to be honest I guess I’m not sure. I think maybe I’m having a “Bruce Almighty” kind of moment when I look around and think that God could be doing better. And it isn’t even the usual “big” questions like the existence of evil or anything I see on the evening news. For me it has been more about the people around me. People who are facing tough things; unemployment, cancer (again), other health problems for them or their loved ones, divorce… I guess the usual list of things. But lately I just feel like no one can get a break. And if they could, wow, what a difference it could make. But I know that I don’t know everything and God knows what he is doing. He has showed me that personally time and time again. But still I’m kind of mad… and God and I aren’t talking.

Or maybe I’m not talking but He is… and I’m not listening.

Last week I picked up my oldest daughter Jessica from school and the first thing she did when she saw me was whip out the Easter egg she had colored at school. Not a real egg but a big paper cutout with lines all over. It was pretty, she did a good job. But I had number of things to do that afternoon including a hospital visit, so I hustled her to the car. “I’ve got to visit someone in the hospital today. Do you want to go with me or should I take you home?’” I asked. She said she’d go with me but wanted to know who was sick. I told her it was Mel, who is 98, he was in the hospital, again. So we made the drive to the hospital and the whole way Jessica told me about her egg and how much she liked it and could we frame it and hang it, not on the refrigerator like most of the time, but in her room. It was too beautiful and too important for even the refrigerator. I said something like, “Sure whatever…” We reached the hospital and I parked and walked around to help her out of the van. She jumped down and turned to look at her egg lying on her backpack. I didn’t say anything but I could see the wheels turning as she grabbed the egg and followed me into the hospital.

In the elevator people commented on how pretty it was and Jessica thanked them politely. We got off on our floor and made our way to Mel’s room. He was sitting up finishing his lunch but when he recognized us he sat up even straighter and greeted us with a big “hello!” And as you can guess by now Jessica walked up to Mel and gave him her egg and said, “I hope you feel better.” And as you can also guess Mel was excited, thanked her and placed it on his lap.

The visit went on and Mel told how great he was doing and what a great job the nurses were doing and how he even prayed with a few of them. He also said, as he often does, that he was ready to go when either Jesus or the doctors said it was time. Jessica chimed in a few times, especially to remind Mel not to chew with his mouth open…

And as we left the hospital Jessica got a little sad and said “Daddy, I really wanted to hang that Egg in my room.” I replied, “I know, so why did you give it to Mel?” She gave me a look as if I had asked her why she liked Barbie and said “Because he’s sick dad, he needs it.”

When your job is to help people understand and connect with God you can’t help but recognize the irony and the appropriateness of God using a 5 year old girl and 98-year-old man to remind a 37 year-old pastor of what He is doing.

Because the paradox is that God could just give the word and put an end to the problems of all those around me, put an end to the problems of the world. But for some reason he wants us to join him.

Read John 21:15-19 (http://www.biblegateway.com)

Actually God did give the Word and put and end to all of it, so the paradox is that even after Jesus has shown that he holds all things in his hands, even life and death, he still asks people to help. For the disciples he ends the same way he began, “Follow Me.” And it took a 98 year-old man in the hospital praying for his caretakers and a 5 year-old girl giving away her Easter egg to remind me, “Take care of my sheep.”

So I know God is still talking to me even though we’re fighting, or I guess I’m fighting. And I’m trying the silent treatment even though he keeps leaving me messages. And to be honest I’m still kind of mad. But I know what he is telling me. I know he is saying, “Follow me.” He is saying, “I’m going to visit the sick, the lonely, the hurting, the despairing. Do you want to go with me?”

P.S. I went and saw Mel at home yesterday. He had that Easter egg hanging in his room on his dresser mirror. Maybe it was too pretty for the refrigerator…