Failure

I’ve been thinking about failure a lot lately. I’m not thinking about trying to fail, instead I’m trying to decide if I have already failed. To be honest it isn’t something I like thinking about, probably most people don’t. But I may be more predisposed to dislike failure than some of you.
• First, I am a guy.
• Second, I am a first-born guy in my family - if you put any stock in the birth order thing.
• Finally, I’ve been professionally trained in the “find success in any failure” technique and have many years of practice.

So to begin with I ask myself if I feel like a failure? The answer to that is yes. There are plenty of moments in the day when I feel like a failure. I fail to be the husband I want to be all the time. As a father I have countless moments each day where I flash to the future and see one of my daughters on a therapist's couch saying things like, “Well, when I would spill my juice at the dinner table my dad’s head would explode…” I very deliberately do not have a “Jesus” fish or cross on my car since at least once a day I comment on the relative driving skills of a fellow driver. Usually a comment on their mental capacity (“moron”) or an anatomical comment ("drive like you’ve got a pair") is the mode of my failure.

I fail to take care of myself as I should. I fail to take care of my family; I forgot my sister’s birthday this year, again. I fail to follow and sometimes I fail to lead. I almost always fail to see the point. I fail to communicate….”which is the way he wants it, well he gets it.”

But I also realize failure is a perspective from a specific point in time. Abraham Lincoln failed 47 times (or whatever it was) until he “succeeded”. So yes I know that what seems like failure at the time can just mean you’re not finished yet. But I also know that plenty of people, probably most people, actually fail. We run into them everyday, people who have clearly failed but they don’t even know it. So what is the difference between “not finished yet” and “failed but don’t know it”?

Lot’s of times my daughters will bring me something they are coloring or drawing. “Daddy look at my picture, what do you think?” “It’s very nice, I like it. That giraffe sure has short legs though” I’ll respond. “Daddy, that’s not a giraffe. It’s ants carrying a picnic basket with a giant corn dog in it.” “Sorry, I thought those spots on the corn dog made it look like a giraffe.” “Well I’m not finished with it yet!”

If I made a list of where I should be, of what I should be, nothing is where I’d like it. In every area I am either “not finished yet” or I “failed and don’t know it.” Realistically there is very little difference. And in many instances it doesn’t really matter.

In the Bible there is the well-known “Love” chapter, Paul’s 1st letter to the Corinthians, where he says a lot of very cool things about love. One of the best is “love never fails.” (I. Cor. 13:8a) For years I’ve thought about that statement and been faced with the harsh truth that my love does fail, a lot. Too often if I’m honest.

Even though I know that chapter is about God’s love it is hard for me not think about how my love fails. Skipping over the usual platitudes I’m learning what it is like to fail - professionally, personally, emotionally and even physically. I’m not who I was and I am not who I’m supposed to be. I’ve failed at every single thing I’ve tried. And if some of those failures are “not yet finished” that’s fine. If some of those are “failed but doesn’t know it” then I’m probably better of not knowing it.

If I think about it in terms of God’s love it is very awesome, even comforting. His never fails. It doesn’t say “His love isn’t finished yet” but His “love never fails”. His love never fails even though I do, even though my love fails. I don’t know what it is like to love with an unfailing love but I do know what it is like to be loved with an unfailing love.

The love that never fails is the love that I receive and not the love that I give, I’m convinced of that. The love that never fails is in my wife’s smile, my girl’s kisses and the dog’s wet nose when I come home. That unfailing love is in all the little things around me because they are all part of that never failing love my Father has for me. They are all small ways in which God reminds me “you are not finished yet.”

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12)

Want to go deeper? Check out Philippians Chapter 3.